Check out the tension in my ankles while I'm nervously chewing my own inside-cheek. (Is there any other name for that specific bit of skin by the way?).
Anyway this is how I looked when I had the weirdest, most amusing interview ever... And I am not making this up. The following is an extract from my diary...
***
"I arrive at the Duke Hotel and the guy I am supposed to meet looks ... cute!
He asks me to interview him first, as I'm going for a position as a journalist...
This lasts for a while ... but when it's over...
MAN ''Alright so ... some questions of general culture ... a journalist must have some business foundation.... Who's the current American Secretary of State?"
[Did not sleep last night and hangover, I must say to justify myself]
NADY '' ...Uhm...Could I get another question?''
MAN '' They are not going to get any easier. You said in your CV that you read the Financial Times every day. Who' s the Egyptian president?''
NADY "I must have skipped a couple of days..."
MAN "A couple of decades, you mean?"
NADY ''Uhm ... can I call a friend for a suggestion?''
MAN ''But this is not a TV show.''
NADY ''Alright, can we go back to me asking questions then?''
MAN ''This is not what I had in mind''
NADY ''Think I have humiliated myself enough though.''
MAN ''Ok then, ask me a question''
NADY ''Don’t you think it's more important to have skills than being an encyclopedia?''
MAN ''Ok ... Say you have to interview the CEO for this huge media company but his PA doesn't help you at all and says he's always busy - what do you do?''
NADY ''I send him a video or I try to meet him at work''
MAN ''Ok - good - and if this doesn't work?''
NADY ''I go out with all his friends till he wants to speak to me too''
MAN ''Ok good. A personal question for you now''
NADY ''Ok''
MAN ''How is your health? Why are you so slim?''
NADY ''I thought girls could be discriminated for obesity but never the opposite.''
[And I scoff a biscuit]
MAN ''Is this to show me you are not anorexic? Anyway, I am judging you for your charm and appearance too, don't get me wrong - those are really good.''
NADY ''I am not anorexic at all''
MAN ''Boyfriend?''
NADY ''No''
MAN ''Would you like to say something else?''
NADY ''Yes. I know you have mixed feelings about me in this moment but don't worry ... even my mother does.''
MAN ''Why are you not scared of me? Normally people are. I always try to make small talk at the start...''
NADY ''Yes I noticed... it was a really bad attempt, ... I was thinking: oh god not another English man who tries to be 'warm' and 'welcoming’ making everything awkward. I think it's just cultural. But you are not scary at all.''
MAN ''Maybe I should try to smile more?''
NADY ''Well I don’t think I am in the mood to provide you with counseling today...''
MAN ''What do you think of this interview?''
NADY ''In a masochist way I have enjoyed it.''
MAN ''As a punishment you should write an article about the mining industry in Ukraine at the weekend. Send me an email by Monday.''
NADY ''But I don't want the job!''
MAN ''Ok, ... want a cigarette?''
NADY ''Yes. Wish I taped this interview!''
***
The moral is that I was offered the job, repeatedly, as well as dinner since according to the MAN "free spirits are great companions and looks like you need a feed anyway" - but I refused both.
The moral is also that job interviews really offer enormous potential for comedy to arise spontaneously and it's a great situation for the unexpected and the lateral to manifest out of the blue.
[What did I mean just here?]
My interview got me thinking about 'classics' in the field, such as Bridget Jones' Diary and the singleton's numerous interviews to get away from her sleazy boss:
~ ~ ~
MAN Why do you want to be in television?
BRIDGET Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed...to communicating to the public...the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news...both political and ecological.
MAN What do you think of the EI Nino phenomenon?
BRIDGET Um...it's a blip. I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out.
~ ~ ~
MAN So, why do you want to work in television?
BRIDGET Because I'm passionately committed...to communicating with children. They are the future.
MAN Do you have any children of your own?
BRIDGET Oh, Christ, no. Yuck!
~ ~ ~
MAN So, why do you want to work in television?
BRIDGET I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
MAN Fair enough. Start on Monday. We'll see how we go. Oh, and.incidentally... at "Sit Up, Britain"...no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. That's a matter of principle.
~ ~ ~
Another classic is Trainspotting ...
And so the moral is also that, after all, even if I didn't find a new job, I can still hang on to the fine art of job interviewing for now.
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